Burglars

The police knew all about ‘the Robinsons.’

‘House clearance experts’ they always used to put on whatever forms they were asked to fill in. Which was extremely rare.   Filling in forms, that is.

The Robinsons used to take their expertise to extraordinary lengths on occasions, clearing the whole house mostly, without, of course, anything like the owners’ permission.

The Robinsons were professional burglars.

In fact, wherever they were called to a break-in, the Police always used to say, somewhat wearily, ‘Oh, that’s the Robinson lot, they did that, you can tell by their ‘modus operandi’. ‘

It was rare for the local ‘rossers’ to break into Latin, but sometimes occasion demands drastic action and a Robinson break-in demanded extreme measures. Like breaking into Latin

The police droned on, while the hapless house-holder gawped in amazement. ‘You can tell it was the Robinsons because they always get in this way, usually by a carelessly-left ladder, then they leave by the front door.’ ‘They leave the front-door open to stack the goodies up and make a quick get-away.’

‘Not that you ever see the Robinson gang in a hurry, that’s not their style. You must have left your ladder in the wrong place.

‘You’re a naughty boy, you are.’

‘Clever they are, that Robinson lot.’

One thing the police never did, though, was to arrest any of the Robinsons. No matter how hard the local coppers tried, they never could pin anything on them. Sometimes it almost seemed as the ‘local boys in blue’ were secretly on their side. ‘Not so secretly, either, blatantly, in fact,’ according to local gossip.

There were three brothers in the Robinson gang. There was ‘Brains’ who passed out with a couple of O levels, admittedly not very high grades but at least he got them, which was more than the other brothers achieved.

Then there was ‘Tiddler’, who was the specialist in getting into awkward and narrow gaps. Finally there was ‘Odd Job’ who did everything the other brothers would never touch like pensioners’ houses, campaign medals and that sort of thing.

One day the Robinsons were burgling as usual. Breaking and entering someone’s house where they had no business to be, when the chief Robinson, the one they always called ‘Brains’ had a dreadful accident.

He had the bad luck to pick up a rotten ladder. And as soon as he started to climb it, the rungs gave way and he finished up taking most of his face off on the Stucco wall with which this particular house was providentially adorned.

‘Oh dear, I got that wrong,’ was a mild version of what the groaning the moaning and groaning ‘Brains’ actually said.

Eventually he and the noise subsided. Quiet resumed its normal place in the sleepy cul-de-sac where the ‘target’ house was situated.

In the meantime, ‘Brains’ had a brilliant idea, so good, so utterly brainy, that, poor soul and in spite of the pain, he\couldn’t help giggling. ‘Tell you what,’ ‘Brains’ said, ‘I’ll share it with you when you get me out of this mess.’

So the Robinsons carried the wounded soldier home and begged him to tell them about his brilliant idea.

‘Not so fast,’ the wounded Robinson protested, ‘I’ve got some thinking to do yet.’

‘Got it!’ Brains said, at last.

The brothers waited expectantly. ‘There’s this ad. I saw a while back. We’ll sue them. For leaving that broken ladder around. That’s it. We’ll sue the buggers for every penny they’ve got. Then we’ll be rich and never have to go burgling again.’

He read the ad. out   It said, ‘Work Accident. No cost to you whatsoever.’ Brains read the whole ad. out and the more he read it out, very slowly for the sake of the slower amongst the brothers, the more the idea appealed.

‘Sue ‘em’.

The judge reluctantly agreed. As\far as the judge was concerned, the Robinsons did have a modicum of right on their side.   So the brothers got their pay-out and never went burgling again.

Now they are living the high life.

Where is a total secret and I’m not telling.

I wouldn’t dare!

FEBRUARY 2009

 

 

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